A cup of hot chocolate with 10 giant marshmallows floating on top… is not a dinner. And eating it after 10:30pm? Sigh.
Your Best Self
My Dad (Papi) was born in Cuba. I (Yackie) was born in the U.S. We get tripped up sometimes:
Papi: “J. Lo keeps emailing me.”
Me: “Emailing you? Papi, I don’t think J. Lo emails you.”
Papi: “Si, Yackie. She sends me pictures.”
Me: “Did you download Instagram.”
Papi: “Insta-que? No! Es pictures. Como Kodak.”
Me: ” Yeah, Papi. You definitely downloaded Instagram.”
Jacqueline is my legal name. My “stage” name. The name I use to communicate to the world that I am an adult and deserve your trust. Then there’s “Jackie.” Jackie is…well, an untamed poodle. Jacqueline gets stuff done and has a raging intolerance for injustice. Jackie on the other hand knocks on her roommate’s door early to ask her if she heard her dancing to Beyonce at 1am the night before. Completely sober.
Jackie is me in my purest form and Jacqueline is my best self. Jackie needs a lot of taming and Jacqueline saves Jackie’s life several times a day. So I’m going to start writing letters from my best self to Jackie. Aka transcribed conversations I have with myself. Every day.
It took you 7 sentences longer than needed to get to your point. Trust that people will get it.
Your Best Self
I need a translator for my mom when award season comes around (she calls me Mama)
Mami: “Mama, I love Gus. He was so sweet at the Golden Globes.”
Me: “Ma, who is Gus?”
Mami: “Mama, Raz Gaslin. He thanked his wife for raising his daughters. He’s so sweet.”
Me: “Oh. You mean Ryan Gosling.”
Mami: “Yes, that’s what I said.”
Raz Gaslin, if you’re out there, my mom appreciates you.
I’m writing a web series about being the child of immigrant parents, and asked my Dad (Papi, a real life immigrant) to play the Dad in the series. This is how our conversation went:
Me: “Papi, I want you to be in my web series. You have to play yourself.”
Papi: “On camera?”
Me: “Si, Papi.”
Papi: “I turn around and a camera is filming behind me? Like those shows on Bravo? No, Yackie. No. Ask your mom. She likes Bravo.”
A brief pause to acknowledge the election:
Fear vs. love? Love wins.
Remember your vote matters
Together we’ll rise
*We’re almost there, guys. Hang tight.
About 50 days ago I made a commitment to myself to write a blog post every day for an entire year. Most people do 30, 50 or 100 day challenges, but I said “No, I need to be on my ‘A” game with writing. I need to post something every day.” The word post was loose too. It could be anything- a quote, comedy piece, meme video- anything that felt right to post that day. I didn’t want to give myself any sort of limitations except I had to create something every day; it would be a lesson in holding myself accountable for commitments and putting myself out there. When I told people what I was doing they typically responded with “That’s great- but it’s a lot of work. Let’s see how long you can keep it up for.” And of course my very stubborn and driven self would say silently “It’s a lot of work, but I will push forward. Don’t underestimate me” Then smile – because that’s what I do. Smile and give myself a silent pep talk.
Then life happened. I had other projects I started developing, work commitments, etc. I used to look forward to writing to my blog and now it became a burden. Giving myself the goal of creating something everything day was great until I was getting home at 11pm from rehearsal and staring at my computer saying to myself, “You made your bed, now you have to lay in it.” Kind of cruel, right? If I have the opportunity and privilege to share my voice- it should be well thought out and executed. Work will always be imperfect and it’s our job to show our work, but not when it becomes consistently rushed and coming from a place of, “too bad, you made this promise to yourself and have to follow through.” There’s definitely value in that and necessary areas in my life, but there’s also great value in being honest with myself and admitting, “Well, I tried really hard to meet these expectations and they are not realistic anymore.” I can either continue posting (sometimes) half-assed work everyday or post well-thought out work a few times a week. I am choosing the ladder.
I am proud of myself for setting an ambitious goal, but even more proud for admitting I failed to reach it and can adjust my expectations. My new goal is to post at least once a week no matter what and see what happens. I may post every day one week or post a few times the next- as long as I meet my once a week deadline. Maybe in the future I can commit to this 100%, but sometimes I need to train steadily before I sign up for a writing marathon. This is a lot more manageable and can give my other creative children that time they deserve, too. Creative parenting is a very real thing.
I’ve failed and it feels great. Embracing it, and having the opportunity to see what works and doesn’t work. I’m a newbie to all of this and hopefully can work toward posting thoughtful material every day.
Phew. I feel like I just took my emotional top off. Always trying my best to keep it real here. Let’s see what happens!
Hamilton at the White House. Amazing!
My second meme 🙂