I need a translator for my mom when award season comes around (she calls me Mama)
Mami: “Mama, I love Gus. He was so sweet at the Golden Globes.”
Me: “Ma, who is Gus?”
Mami: “Mama, Raz Gaslin. He thanked his wife for raising his daughters. He’s so sweet.”
Me: “Oh. You mean Ryan Gosling.”
Mami: “Yes, that’s what I said.”
Raz Gaslin, if you’re out there, my mom appreciates you.
Oh Similac, Similac
How I love thee
You keep my baby’s tummy full
Instead of him wailing in the backseat
You have to be lukewarm
Which makes Mommy’s life a treat
Especially when her eyes are bloodshot;
Heating you up at 3am is always a feat!.
You are the nourishing powder
That helps my sweet pea grow
Until you projectile vomit on Daddy’s jersey
And we say, “Well, at least we gave it a go.”
Every time I think you’re safe,
And in my baby’s tummy you’ll stay;
You somehow end up on Mommy’s clothes
Before she even starts her day.