Dear Jackie…Eat Food For Dinner

Dear Jackie,

A cup of hot chocolate with 10 giant marshmallows floating on top… is not a dinner. And eating it after 10:30pm? Sigh.

Love,

Your Best Self

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How I found out Papi had Instagram

My Dad (Papi) was born in Cuba. I (Yackie) was born in the U.S. We get tripped up sometimes:

Papi: “J. Lo keeps emailing me.”

Me: “Emailing you? Papi, I don’t think J. Lo emails you.”

Papi: “Si, Yackie. She sends me pictures.”

Me: “Did you download Instagram.”

Papi: “Insta-que? No! Es pictures. Como Kodak.”

Me: ” Yeah, Papi. You definitely downloaded Instagram.”

“Dear Jackie,” Letters from My Best Self

Jacqueline is my legal name. My “stage” name. The name I use to communicate to the world that I am an adult and deserve your trust. Then there’s “Jackie.” Jackie is…well, an untamed poodle. Jacqueline gets stuff done and has a raging intolerance for injustice. Jackie on the other hand knocks on her roommate’s door early to ask her if she heard her dancing to Beyonce at 1am the night before. Completely sober.

Jackie is me in my purest form and Jacqueline is my best self. Jackie needs a lot of taming and Jacqueline saves Jackie’s life several times a day. So I’m going to start writing letters from my best self to Jackie. Aka transcribed conversations I have with myself. Every day.

“Dear Jackie,

It took you 7 sentences longer than needed to get to your point. Trust that people will get it.

Love,

Your Best Self

Mucho Comedy Mondays: When Your Mom Tries to Recap the Golden Globes

I need a translator for my mom when award season comes around (she calls me Mama)

Mami: “Mama, I love Gus. He was so sweet at the Golden Globes.”

Me: “Ma, who is Gus?”

Mami: “Mama,  Raz Gaslin. He thanked his wife for raising his daughters. He’s so sweet.”

Me: “Oh. You mean Ryan Gosling.”

Mami: “Yes, that’s what I said.”

Raz Gaslin, if you’re out there, my mom appreciates you.

Mucho Comedy Mondays: When You Ask Your Dad to be in Your Webseries

I’m writing a web series about being the child of immigrant parents, and asked my Dad (Papi, a real life immigrant) to play the Dad in the series. This is how our conversation went:

Me: “Papi, I want you to be in my web series. You have to play yourself.”

Papi: “On camera?”

Me: “Si, Papi.”

Papi: “I turn around and a camera is filming behind me? Like those shows on Bravo? No, Yackie. No. Ask your mom. She likes Bravo.”

Sigh.

“She Knows”- A Ne-Yo Song Parody that Supports Women

“She Knows,” A Ne-Yo song parody where women are hit on for the size of their books, rather than the size of their boobs. Written, produced and starring yours truly:

When I first heard the song, “She Knows,” naively I thought it was celebrating smart women, until I watched the video and realized it was about women who knew how to strip on a pole. I was so offended that I said, “No, I won’t let hip-hip or men define us this way anymore,” and as a result wrote a song that empowers women and celebrates us for our minds.

My wish? For women and men to speak up and take these images of women being portrayed as sexual objects personally – not dismissing it as the “media” or cultural norm.  If we continue to perpetuate these images, we will struggle to raise confident, healthy and well-rounded girls.

This video represents what I know women to be: Hard-working, intelligent, engaged with the world, silly, fierce and will gladly yell at the television during a Presidential debate.